What NFL QB Best Represents your Favorite Wrestler?

 

 

The NFL and WWE are loaded with a variety of interesting characters. I've took it upon myself to give an NFL quarterback a relatable wrestling character. Agree? Disagree? Comment and let me know! Hope you enjoy!


Joe Namath - Ric Flair

"Stylin' and Profilin'"

This comparison is completly based on these 2 icons off the field and ring ands calls for in-depth analysis. "Limousine riding, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling and dealing son of a gun!" Many reports say Joe Namath slept with 300 women at the university of Alabama. Can you even phathom how many chicks he banged when he became rich and even more famous playing for the New York Jets! Namath wasnt the greatest QB but he was without a doubt a cultural icon. Ric Flair was no slouch either. You dont have to like wrestling to know who Ric Flair is. Flair has been divorced more times than I've masturbated this week. (Thats probably not true but its still a lot). Joe Namath should run out onto the field in a vintage Ric Flair robe and twirl around. The Nature Boy has practically been on the road his whole life and slept with women all accross the states. Namath and Flair still dress fashionably in a style only they can pull off. Its more than likely these two have had sex with the same girl. WOOOOO!

Peyton Manning - Kurt Angle

Peyton Manning is the closest thing to being an American Hero. Kurt Angle is an american hero. Oh it's True. Peyton Manning had a neck fusion and missed a season and came back and won an MVP in record breaking fashion. Kurt Angle won his Olympic gold medals with a "Broken Freakin' Neck!" Both these guys are insanely competitive. Manning would cut a great promo for WWE. His commercials are terrific. It wouldnt surprise me one bit if Kurt Angle shot a commercial just as good, if not better than Mannings. I can see Angle in the Nation Wide commercial singing to their tune "man i love Olympic Gold".


Tom Brady - John Cena

 The best in the game whether you love them or hate them. You can even argue statistically they're the best ever. The face of the NFL and WWE. Fans are aggravated with them because they're constantly booked to win. When they lose, its never clean. That's like an interfering chair shot to Cena while the refs not looking which costs him the match. Ask any New England fan why the Pats lost and they will give you a laundry lists of excuses. Either way, these guys keep winning and we can't do shit about it.


Cam Newton - Booker T

 They both like to dance and they are both black.


John Elway - HHH

 These two each have championships and now wear the fancy suit for their respective organizations. However, I don't believe Elway piped out Roger Goodell's daughter.


Drew Brees - Daniel Bryan

 

 They're both small and both won the main event from other peoples doings. Drew Brees won the Super Bowl because Bret Favre and Peyton Manning threw interceptions. Favres being a really brainless cross-field interception. As for Daniel Bryan.... who i fucking HATE! He made a trendy and very simple chant that consists of the crowd screaming "Yes!" while raising their arms. This chant caught on with so many losers (and the gayass Islanders) that fans went into an outrage when their stupid hero didn't win the Royal Rumble. So as opposed to WWE having two former "Evolution" members fight in the main event (Randy Orton and Batista), the creative team had to adjust their whole plans to make this guy win the title so that the fans don't ruin their pay-per-view with boos.

* This is a little disrespectful to Brees because he broke Marino's single season yard record the year he won the Vince Lombardi trophy but I really just wanted to vent about that little ugly gremlin.


Eli Manning - Brock Lesnar

 Eli Manning is the ONE who put the 1 in 18 and 1. The CONQUERER! Eli Manning ended the Patriots perfect season at the grandest stage of them all and Brock Lesnar ended the Undertakers streak in the grandest stage of them all.

 

Russell Wilson - Rey Mysterio

 Two small athletes who overcame the odds and won titles in their biggest game and match. Wilson went from a backup quarterback selected in the 3rd round to making it all the way up as a Super Bowl champ. Mysterio was a cruiserweight putting on a better show than everyone in the opening match until finally facing top competition and main eventing shows. Wilson got a lot of help from his defense to win his Superbowl and Mysterio got help from Eddie Guerrero overdosing to win his World Heavyweight Title. I know its fucked up but you and I both know its true.

Joe Montana - Shawn Michaels

Two of the greatest of all time. White guys with Swag. Mr. Super Bowl meets Mr. WrestleMania. Both Showstoppers who brought their A game to the granddaddy of them all. Montana should have entered Candlestick park every game like HBK did at WrestleMania 14. True legends.

Tim Hasselbeck - Matt Hardy

The Brother nobody gives a shit about.


Jared Lorenzen - Big Show

Yep.


Jay Cutler - Mick Foley

This one is a little bit of a stretch. Mick Foley was one of the craziest bastards/wrestler/entertainer/stuntman that I've ever seen. Jay Cutler has never had a good offensive line in his life. I feel like every single year i hear that Cutler was the most sacked quarterback. Cutler isn't going to be able to bend down to change his socks like Foley. Concussions is the big freaking deal today in the NFL but you don't hear Foley bitching after taking 10 chair shots straight to the head from The Rock. But Cutler has definitely experienced some pain. Would I rather get sacked 11 times in one game or get thrown off the top of a Hell in the Cell? Cutlers the quarterback closest to experiencing Foley caliber pain.

Brett Favre - Hulk Hogan

Immortal and Overrated. Both these guys will always go down as one of the greatest of all time and the guys who just wouldn't go away. Favre couldn't ever make up his mind on retirement. It was Aaron Rodgers time to shine but Favre just couldn't stay out of the spotlight. Hogan would never put over young talent because he needed to always be the guy. Both kind of selfish acts but they loved the business too much to leave when it was right. The "Gunslinger" played in 297 consecutive games. Hulk Hogan held the WWF Championship for 1,474 days. Brett Favre also sent out at least one dick pic and Hogan has a sex tape somewhere on the web.


Johnny Manziel - Scott Hall

Hey Yo. Johnny Football and Razor Ramon do not enjoy being sober. Manziel just wants to party and play football and is now "Da Bad Guy" of the NFL. People wonder if the Heisman Trophy winners career is over. If indeed it is, DDP Yoga may be the direction Johnny Football turns.


Dan Marino - Roddy Piper

Two of the best in the business who never won the big one.

 

Jameis Winston - JTG (Cryme Time)



Famous Jameis stole crab legs. JTG stole Booker T's wallet.  From the looks of it, they are both black too.
Here is a video of a very under looked and hilarious bid of Booker T breaking his King Booker character after getting "bumped."

 

 

 

 

 

Alright I know I said this was just going to be Quarterbacks but too many comparisons came to my head while I was making this. So here are some honorable mentions.

 

 

 

 

Jerry Jones - Vince McMahon

These two are EXACTLY the same person. Both so fucking rich that they can do whatever they want. No matter what product Jerry puts out on the field and Vince puts in the ring, their events will always sell out. These two definitely crush hot young pussy and let each other fuck their wives, daughters, and girlfriends. #GeneticJackHammers


Calvin Johnson - CM Punk

Both these guys took their ball and went home and at a primed age in their careers. Both departures had and will have major impacts on what they left behind. WWE is pretty unbearable right now. Punk had all the charisma to carry a show and since he's left I haven't been interested in a single thing outside of Brock Lesnar. Calvin Johnson was just 30 and very well may have been the most talented and gifted wide receiver the NFL has ever seen. First Barry Sanders, now Calvin Johnson. Get ready for top 5 draft picks again Detroit.

 

OJ Simpson - Chris Benoit

OJ Simpson is a murderer and so is Chris Benoit. Incase you couldn't connect the dots.

 

Rex Ryan - Paul Heyman

Nobody cuts a better promo than Paul Heyman. Vince McMahon would hire Rex Ryan to the WWE in a fucking heartbeat. Rex Ryan pretty much cut promos during his whole coaching tenure with the Jets. It didn't matter how well the Jets played, Rex vocally sold them like they were the must-see team.

 

Adrian Peterson - Snitsky

Child Beaters!

 

John Gruden - Jim Ross

So energetic and passionate. Imagine JRs play by play with Gruden's over the top color commentary. This duo would cast the most enthusiastic broadcast of all time. John Gruden explodes in his pants every time JJ Watt makes a play and J.R.'s damn eyes almost pop out if glass shatters.

 

Michael Sam - Goldust

Michael Sam more than likely has a Goldust suit and does his antics while looking at himself in the mirror. Michael Sam's NFL career is nothing but Shattered Dreams.